Music of Tears

I have never enjoyed 'Subhapanthuvarali' before. Having heard this 'raga' rendered by greats like Dr.S.Ramanathan, K.V.Narayanaswamy, D.K.Jayaraman, all when lying on my bed, with the music being played on 'Windows Media Player' with those smokey circles and lines of the plenoptic visualizations, I have felt this is something to be played only at instances of bereavement. When I heard this Raga being expanded so splendidly by Baby Sreeram recently at a concert, I thought, "Why this charming lady has chosen such a melancholy one to sing, what sad thing has happened to her life?". On all those occasions where a old leader is dead, Doordarshan's first choice for the week-long mourning is this raga. But is 'Subhapanthuvarali' really something that deals only with sorrow?

In the last few days, I have been struck with a blow, so hard that it took a lot of effort to get out of it. I witnessed a sweet reverie of mine collapsing. When the bird was about to fly, they cut down its wings. Those wings but will grow again. That belief has now gradually taken its place in my mind. I have been listening to a lot of recitals by a lot of musicians in my trial to pacify my mind. But the one which influenced me the most was this raga.

Subhapanthuvarali is not just a raga to feel the grief. It elevates our mind to a new platform, where happiness and sorrow is alike, where weeping is as beautiful as smiling, and there it is the knowledge of both sides that only makes the circle perfect. The whole mood shifts to something so special, but I strongly feel, this is a raga that is known only for those who had known both ups and downs in life. Only those who have been so happy can be so sad. Those who have felt extreme points of emotions can understand the meaning of this, only they can. It is a state when you realize that this life is not just a pleasent drink. It is often sweet, often sour, salty and bitter as well. The mixture of all those is this thing called life. That is what Subhapanthuvarali teaches and it is just another sad note for someone, but it is not just being sad, it is much more than that. But to know that, you need to face something terrible. Some experiences are so horrible when they come, but they teach you a lot. This raga is one such experience, take some time to listen to it, and if you have known it, you can take the high and the low tide alike.